Getting Excited

There is something about Advent and then Lent that just keeps our family on mission.

LAST NIGHT a friend of mine was talking about her dream. Lions had surrounded her house and they would get upset and she would say

"that is okay we just need to only worship God"

and then the Lions would calm down.

She had been studying a passage in 2 Kings that talks about when God sent Lions to a group of people and through that they began learning about him.

Are there Lions in my life.....because I. NEED. THEM.

For the past couple of years I have been holding on to dreams, holding on to next steps and knowing that change would come soon. But here I am in the place that I have been and was and this is what God has taught me. It isn't about my dreams, it is about Him. If I wait for my ministry then it happens without me.

If I take every day, every moment and see that as God does I can enter into what He wants to do in my life. All of it will be for my good, but truly some, most, all of it can have nothing to do with me, or my dreams and that is Good and okay. This was the year of HERE (being right where my feet are), but it is so easy and I forget and constantly have to be brought back.

another friend said "Those He calls, He keeps" Blessed Assurance.

My mission is to love Jesus and love others. period. That is all I have to think about and all I have to plan for.

What does that look like in my life?

Touching a friend in prayer, praying for someone outloud with them, texting back honest words not worried about appearances, sending a note of love and call to cling to the cross with me, and go with those Jesus loves out of my comfort zone to a place that professes to be all about faith, but I can't help to be skeptical. And ask for forgivness for all of the times already today that I have quinched His call.

I keep my eyes on the cross, what He has done is IMPORTANT.

Jesus came for dinner tonight

I don't even know how I can write the above words, but then again, trembling, I don't know how I could think otherwise.

Reading Matthew 25:35
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and cloth you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you. The King will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

Pastor Frank sat at our table tonight and talked about turning 40. He turned 40 while he was in America not very long ago. At home in Uganda there was a great celebration and rejoicing for his birthday. But Frank sat all alone an alien in a strange land reading the word of God. He had been turned away, taken to a homeless shelter, asked if he was sick or mentally ill. He wasn't recognized as a brother in Christ. He sat on his birthday weeping alone.

I wonder, said Frank, if this is how Jesus is feeling?

deep breath...I wonder if this is how Jesus is feeling, alone on his birthday weeping.

I am typing now, rather then face down in a puddle because I don't want to forget any words that were spoken tonight. I don't want to forget this feeling of heat and pain and ache I get constantly lately.

Frank doesn't know if he has met someone that can do what he came here looking for. He has no idea how he can just go home and continue to walk with God, shepard his sheep, care for his family, his church and the 280 orphans he cares for. Can he trust that God will provide. I know for Frank the test of his life might be.....will I go home? Will I trust that God will see me through. Will I head into a pack a wolves a defenseless sheep, not fearing for my own life because I know that this life is but a fleeting moment.

Will I believe God...

Lord God, I pray now as I type these words that you would give Frank the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. I pray Lord that Frank would live a life worthy of you and please you in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of you, being strengthened with all power according to your glorious might so that Frank will have great endurance and patience, and joyfully give you thanks for salvation..

Ann typed the other day that while she was at a church this weekend she asked a lady about all of the pictures on her churches walls. The lady responded...when I hold these people close, it keeps me close to Jesus.

Some of my friends wrapped their arms around Frank tonight, I gave him a polite handshake and warm smile. I didn't even get a picture of him with my kids or make sure that they were aware that we had a guest.

I believe that God says in his word we must trust him, my life looks very different from Franks. I don't have an orphange, a congreation, 4 children. I am not battling the powers that be. I have to learn to trust GOD in a world that tells me I don't have to.

I HAVE TO.

It is strange to not want to pray "to have to" be constantly dependent on God. Unfortunately, for me, it might be the only way I will learn. I have no idea if being completely dependent on God is something that can be chosen and learned, I hope so, but if not okay. Lord teach me. Help me to recognize you, see with your heart, your eyes.

Advent Day 16

Advent Day 12

Today was a Sunday, full of rest, full of love and time together.

Yet, today I was extra short, extra critical and still found myself listening to my almost 7 year old say...Mom, you are the best mom ever, I reply "that is a nice thing to say" and hear "no seriously" "I try my best" is my reply feeling a shrinking inside as I then look to our art project, our paper picture of the natvity and say "you aren't doing it right, you need to layer from the top to the bottom or you will leave gaps"

seriously.

Just put the boys in bed, rant about their toys all over the floor, the endless dirty socks balled up in the stuffed animals, the pile of laundry that should have been completed. I feel unsettled, unhappy, angry .

I sit down at the computer to finish up the Christmas cards, John offers to print them tomorrow. And I sit at my computer instead of meeting him at our bible to type.

to let go.

Lord forgive me, I didn't rest in you today, I felt burdened, concerned for appearances, for applause. Then I read Ann's words, I need the Cross in the center of my life because I must cling to it, I must die daily.

and its true, yes I do, I need you.

The bounty of my life is overflowing, the provision that God brings is astonishing, Julian and Jude they make me catch my breath overwhelmed with love for them. This is how Jesus feels about me. He is my shepard and I am his sheep.

The messiness of my inside leaked out today, I keep hoping and praying I will be transparent the same outside and inside.

There is a spirit inside of me that urges me on...it is time. Go to your husband, listen as he reads and be thankful for mercy, for grace, for death.

Jesus, I believe I believe I believe Amen Amen Amen.

Preparation for Advent

So excited about this Christmas Season. The preparation the anticipation the TIME to slow down join together and focus on what it meant for God to come as Jesus.

WOW, the fact that it happened is a miracle. We talk about it often like it is just another fact. But when we say God is his Father, he was miraculously conceived, an Angel of the Lord came to a teenage girl. Do I realize that my mouth is uttering faith, belief in things which I cannot fathom. I cannot understand the beautiful part is that...I don't have to.

I can trust God's letter to me. MUCH smarter folks have tried to prove or disprove what the bible says. I look to my life, my story and see the Author. I see GODs hand every day, not always for that day but HE IS WITH ME of that I know full well.

We are celebrating Jesus's birthday this year. Not sure what that means for our family. For the first time it isn't about a budget, how many gifts to get. ALL that matters this Christmas is that in all that we do we celebrate Jesus. How we treat and serve each other, our family, our friends and our neighbors, strangers - I will be striving to be like my teacher and knowing that I can't do it. I am but dust and THAT is actually comforting.

For me to be like my teacher I have to know him and his father
For me to be like my teacher I have to obey what he says (do what he tells me to do)

it is November 29th...we are starting Advent here on December 1st. Our family will be doing Ann Voskamp & Nancy Rodden's Jesse Tree Journey - www.aholyexperience.com