Today was a Sunday, full of rest, full of love and time together.
Yet, today I was extra short, extra critical and still found myself listening to my almost 7 year old say...Mom, you are the best mom ever, I reply "that is a nice thing to say" and hear "no seriously" "I try my best" is my reply feeling a shrinking inside as I then look to our art project, our paper picture of the natvity and say "you aren't doing it right, you need to layer from the top to the bottom or you will leave gaps"
seriously.
Just put the boys in bed, rant about their toys all over the floor, the endless dirty socks balled up in the stuffed animals, the pile of laundry that should have been completed. I feel unsettled, unhappy, angry .
I sit down at the computer to finish up the Christmas cards, John offers to print them tomorrow. And I sit at my computer instead of meeting him at our bible to type.
to let go.
Lord forgive me, I didn't rest in you today, I felt burdened, concerned for appearances, for applause. Then I read Ann's words, I need the Cross in the center of my life because I must cling to it, I must die daily.
and its true, yes I do, I need you.
The bounty of my life is overflowing, the provision that God brings is astonishing, Julian and Jude they make me catch my breath overwhelmed with love for them. This is how Jesus feels about me. He is my shepard and I am his sheep.
The messiness of my inside leaked out today, I keep hoping and praying I will be transparent the same outside and inside.
There is a spirit inside of me that urges me on...it is time. Go to your husband, listen as he reads and be thankful for mercy, for grace, for death.
Jesus, I believe I believe I believe Amen Amen Amen.
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